Showing posts with label Har de har. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Har de har. Show all posts

Saturday, September 26, 2009

The Genius switch

Contrary to widely held belief, there IS in fact an "OFF" position on the Genius switch.
And Mary Coughlan has found it.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

"Hello Mary. Is John at home?"



Sometimes I am unlucky and turn on the telly and there he is, stepping into a half built house, pretending he has just happened by with a camera crew. There`s Mary, swinging out of the rafters, sawing, lifting, hammering away while John swans around, pointing at things and sipping coffee.
Duncan has no desire to speak to Mary. Duncan wants to speak to the man of the house.
One of these days Mary will answer " Sorry, Duncan, John is dead. I killed him with this nail gun here".

I have an image in my head of Duncan in a Tutu, dancing round a huge pile of burning nappies. I may draw it later.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

The best portrait of WB Yeats...ever




No comment required. Except maybe PFFFFffffffffffffffffffffffff.................

Seamus Heaney. The new Joe Dolan




On my travels recently I noticed a very large contingent of ladies present to see Seamus Heaney reading his poetry at Listowel Writer`s Week: I noticed that a number of them weren`t really listening... rather, gazing fondly in his general direction with a misty look in their eyes.

This week Seamus visited Sligo for the Yeats Summer School and as I was exhibiting the "Yeats in Love" art in the theatre (trying to annoy the Yeats committee- again-) I remarked to a couple of the ladies in the box office that there was once again a large contingent of "Mature Ladies" in attendance; not only were they there but there was a considerable amount of fawning and cooing going on when big Seamus arrived.

"What`s the story with all these women slobbering all over Seamus Heaney?"
"Well, you know, Joe Dolan is dead now..."
"So... what you`re saying is Seamus Heaney is the new Joe Dolan?"
"Mmmmhmmmm"
I have to tell you I sat in the auditorium that evening with a head full of questions.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Phoenix Mag Advertising rates



Very Urgent Please.
Hello,
I am (your name), the son of Abdullah (whatever), of Turkey, is the Kurdish
separatist leader, who was arrested, tried and later sentenced to death
but due public outcry his death sentence was commuted to life-long
aggravated imprisonment.Before his arrest,he confided in me the whereabouts of some hidden fundstotalling USD15,5 Million which I need your Help to secure for thebenefit
of my 3 year old son Hassan. I have already being diagonised as having
cancer of the lungs and i wish to secure this funds for my son hassan.
Do Reply me indicating your interest in going ahead with me in this
project.to this e-mail address
Thanks You Hamad Ocalan


Thanks you too darlin. I have been through my spam folder and with the aid of my trusty calculator, have realised a cool 598 million and change, in various currencies, mostly Nigerian Dollars if I reply to all of these emails. Cool. That should take care of my Phoenix advertising bill for this month

Friday, March 14, 2008